Looking Back
by divsalley
Summary: Zuko looks back at how his life was before he'd been banished... and how things changed for him over the last three years. Starting from when his mother disappeared until... well, you'll find out. :)
1. Prologue

_**Prologue**_

Zuko lay on his bed, unable to sleep. He realized he was not at the Royal Palace, but at the Western Air Temple. He groaned as he sat up in bed and remembered what he'd done... He'd joined the Avatar and his friends to help them end the war. The decision had been so easy to make at first... But in hindsight, he realized that it was the toughest decision he'd ever made.

He didn't regret it at all... On the contrary, he was proud of himself for the very first time in his life. But something gnawed at him and ate away at his resolve as he thought about the people he'd left behind... one person in particular.

_**Mai.**_

He hadn't expected to see her again... If anyone had asked him a few months ago whether or not he was ever going home, his answer would've been no. He hadn't expected his father to accept him... much less than he'd expected him to be proud of his actions... But it had happened. He'd gone back home. He'd seen Mai again. He'd fallen in love with her again... and this time, he hadn't expected to leave.

But he had... It was as if he'd known along that this day would come, but he didn't count on having to do this again so soon after seeing her again. It hirt him to do it, but it was the only way to keep her safe.

This was the second time he'd done this to her... He held his head in his hands remorsefully as he thought about the last time he'd left her this way... It'd been over three years ago. But that didn't mean it hadn't hurt him as much then... It had... even though he'd lost everything he had as the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. He thought of her sadly as he remembered how things had been back then... before he'd been scarred and banished...


	2. Chapter 1: Missing Ursa

**_Chapter One: Missing Ursa_**

Zuko sat by the pond and watched as the turtle ducks swam around without a care in the world... He remembered the last time he was sitting here, and it brought tears to his eyes. His mother was gone... No one even mentioned where she was. Azula didn't care much... Frankly, he thought that she was relieved that she wouldn't have toput up with their mother's constant reprimands. Not that he'd received any from her... The only reprimands he'd received had been from his father.

**_"Why can't you just accept you'll never be as good as your sister?"_**

Then he asked himself, **_"What does Azula have that I don't? Mother loved me for who I am!"_**

"Sitting here won't bring her back, Zuko," he heard his sister say.

"Just leave me alone, Azula," he said angrily.

"Ouch! What part of being nice to others do you not understand?" Azula asked him sarcastically.

"The same part of leave me alone that you don't understand," he said angrily and walked away. Azula smirked as she watched him go. It gave her immense satisfaction to irk her brother. But she had to admit that deep down, she missed her mother, too.

Zuko stormed through the garden towards the palace. Nothing seemed to cheer him up these days... He felt like his world had been turned upside down... and no one had bothered to help him set it right. He'd almost reached the palace when he heard a voice.

"There's **_no way_** I'm cartwheeling with you, Ty Lee! Now stop bothering me!" Mai said. She was one of Azula's friends, and it surprised him that he'd found himself liking her more than his sister or Ty Lee. He smiled as he walked over to them.

"Hi, Mai," he said slowly as he smiled at her.

"Hey, Zuko... I'm... really sorry about your mother," she said uncomfortably. Zuko didn't mind her mentioning his mother. She somehow knew what was bothering him...

"Zuko, hi!" Ty Lee said excitedly as she cartwheeled over.

"Hey, Ty Lee," he said in an exasperated voice. She wasn't as bad as Azula, but her bubbly personality was something he could do without.

He spotted Azula as she walked over to them and said, "I'm going inside. See you later."

He smiled at Mai and got one in return as he waved to Ty Lee. Then he walked to his chambers and lay down sadly. He missed his mother terribly...


	3. Chapter 2: A Warning

**_Chapter Two: A Warning_**

Zuko didn't much like the idea of having to talk to people about how he felt. But lately, everyone around him seemed to be asking the same question.

**_"Are you ok?"_**

He was sick of this question... **_Of course he was upset!_** Didn't they know him well enough to just leave him alone? It was bad enough that he was being badgered by his sister when he was home... These people didn't realize that the young boy just wanted one person to care for him, and he remained woefully ignorant.

On his way home one day, he resolved to boldly ask for an audience with his father. He found it weird that he had to go to extremes just to meet his father, but... he had no choice. As he changed into his best clothes to meet his father, Zuko hoped that his father wouldn't dismiss him too soon. Memories of long talks with his father filled his mind as he walked towards the Throne Room. He gulped before he opened the curtains and walked in.

The Throne Room was dark. The only source of light was a wave of fire that the Fire Lord had started himself. Zuko bowed down before going any further.

"You wished to see me, Prince Zuko?" The Fire Lord said flatly.

"Yes, I did, father," Zuko said tremulously. "I thought... since it's been a while..."

"Yes, it has been. So, Prince Zuko... is there anything you wish to tell me?" Ozai asked in the same, flat tone. There was no way to discern the anger Ozai had tried to mask.

"Actually, no, father... I was just trying to find out how **_you_** were," Zuko said innocently.

"Is that so?" Ozai asked. It was clear to Zuko that he had angered his father. He gulped as he waited for his father to say something. When there was no response, Zuko spoke up.

"Yes, father," he said boldly. Ozai's face was unreadable, but the flames around him grew larger, reflecting the anger he felt.

"You do realize, Prince Zuko, that I am no longer just a Prince of the Fire Nation? I have numerous other responsibilities as Fire Lord. Letting you know how my day has been is **_not_** my top priority," Ozai said calmly, but it was clear to the young Prince that he'd crossed the line.

"I'll keep that in mind, father," Zuko said slowly as he bowed again.

"Good," Ozai said as he looked at his eleven year old son. Zuko just nodded and walked out of the room, knowing he'd been dismissed.

The meeting had only lasted five minutes.

Zuko couldn't believe it... His father hadn't spoken to him in weeks... and when he went to see him, he only got five, lousy minutes.

"What's wrong, Zuko? Thinking about mom again?" he heard Azula ask him. Zuko clenched his fists and took a deep breath to calm himself.

"When is Uncle coming home?" Zuko asked her calmly, knowing she'd be able to answer.

"He's already left the Earth Kingdom... He should be home any day now," Azula said with a knowing smirk on her face. Zuko sadly remembered that there was a time when he'd have protected her from anything... Now, however, he wasn't so sure...

"Thanks," he said as he walked to his chambers. As he sat down to play the tsungi horn, however, he hoped that once his uncle arrived, he'd finally have someone to talk to.


	4. Chapter 3: United in Grief

_**Chapter Three: United in Grief**_

Iroh had been looking forward to returning home until he heard the news. His father had died under mysterious circumstances which made Ozai Fire Lord. But the worst part was that Ursa was gone. Zuko and Azula would now have to grow up without a mother. The problem was that Ozai had never been one to care for someone else's needs. The fact that Ursa was gone meant tough times for the kids. Not so much for Azula, but... his heart went out to Zuko. Ozai had never actually cared for him much after Azula was born... With Ursa gone, Zuko would be left all alone...

**_It was so much worse..._**

When he got home, he was reminded of his own sufferings. This was where Lu Ten had grown up... They'd chased each other through these gardens laughing hysterically... They'd talked about everything under the sun and had shared so many happy memories together... This place had seemed so comforting then... now all he could see were empty rooms surrounded by a bunch of walls. It didn't seem like home anymore. As he walked towards his chambers, a guard came up to him and bowed down respectfully.

"General Iroh, Fire Lord Ozai has requested you to see him immediately," the guard said.

"I am no more a General in the Fire Nation Army. But thank you for giving me the message. I'll go see him immediately," Iroh said kindly as he changed course and walked towards the Throne Room. He'd been there before on numerous occasions... This time, however, seemed different. He'd never been too close to his brother... and the fact that Ozai was now Fire Lord only meant one thing... He no longer had to listen to anyone else.

The usually dark Throne Room was now illuminated with torches all around. Iroh could see his brother sitting on his throne majestically. As soon as Iroh entered the room, though, Ozai stood up and walked towards him. Being taller and more largely built, Ozai seemed to tower over him. The two brothers stood there looking at each other until Iroh smiled and hugged his younger brother.

"I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Ozai. You must be going through difficult times," Iroh said.

Ozai was dazed as he returned his brother's embrace and said, "I must be the one consoling you... You've lost your only son."

"We shouldn't diminish our own losses, Ozai... for we never know how deeply the loss has affected the other. You don't have to lose a child to understand what I'm going through... losing a loved one is always painful," Iroh said calmly.

"Still as wise as you'd been two years ago, I see," Ozai said with as much sincerity as he could manage, and Iroh figured as much.

"Let's be plain with each other now, Ozai... We both know why you called me here. And no, I don't hold grudges. In fact, I wanted to thank you," Iroh said happily.

Ozai was shocked as he asked, "You wanted to **_thank_** me?"

"Yes, I do... You see, after Lu Ten's death, I didn't want anything to do with the war or Fire Nation politics. I just want to cherish the few memories I've had with my son," Iroh said plainly.

"That's going to be quite a task considering you're a Prince of the Fire Nation," Ozai said with a slight smile.

"I'm sure with you at the helm, we'll do just fine," Iroh said and turned his back on Ozai and left.

On his way back, however, he heard a marvelous tune. Zuko was playing the Tsungi Horn. He smiled as he entered the room and waited for him to finish.

"You play wonderfully, Zuko," Iroh said. Zuko smiled slightly. The next minute he was being hugged by his uncle. For no reason at all, tears were streaming down his face as he felt loved and cared for for the very first time in months. Iroh hugged his nephew tighter as he felt how his little body was shaking.

"There, there, Prince Zuko... don't do this to yourself," Iroh said as he looked at his nephew and wiped his tears. "Your mother would've wanted you to be happy... as do I," he finished.

"I'm sorry about Lu Ten, Uncle," Zuko said sadly.

Iroh nodded as he hugged his nephew again. He'd heard those words from many people, but it had never been this sincere. Somehow they felt united in their grief and pain as they quietly enjoyed the comfort of a loving family member.


	5. Chapter 4: A Forgotten Sound

_**Chapter Four: A Forgotten Sound**_

For the next few days, Zuko felt better than he felt in a long time. He spent time with his uncle, who despite his own loss, had tried his best to cheer him up. All these days he feared he'd lose his voice from lack of use... Now, however, he thought he might just wear it out just by talking to him.

"So... you got to travel the Earth Kingdom, right?" Zuko asked his uncle as they were sitting in the Palace Gardens.

"Yes, I did," Iroh said with a slight smile on his face.

"So are they gaining from our prosperity?" Zuko asked him.

"Is **_that_** what you've been told?" Iroh asked with a little contempt.

"Well, didn't Great Grandfather start the war to **_help_** the other Nations?" Zuko asked defensively.

"Zuko... war can only bring pain and suffering... All the provinces we have now are graveyards of those who died fighting... They were all people... Sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers... My own son died amongst them... How is that a good thing?" Iroh asked.

"But we were always told that... that this was for the greater good!" Zuko said.

"If the greater good demands innocent lives, there is no good left... Remember this, Zuko... You should **_never_** underrestimate those you're facing. They might have their own reasons to be free," Iroh said.

Zuko pondered this as three girls made their way to the garden. Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee were talking about something. Zuko noticed that while Azula and Ty Lee practised their acrobatics, Mai just sat by the tree with one of her little knives. Zuko smiled at this; then he remembered his uncle was still there, so he tried to check himself. This didn't go unnoticed by Iroh, who smiled as he looked in the same direction.

"It's interesting how even in the darkest of times, love has a way of brightening someone's day up!" Iroh said.

Zuko's eyes widened as he said, **_"Love?_** I don't **_love_** her! I **_like_** her, but... there's no way!"

Iroh simply smiled as he asked, "Now how would you know that if you don't give it a chance? You need to talk to someone your own age! If you keep talking to me, I'll make you a wise, old man in no time!" Zuko sighed and looked at Mai again... Then he slid off the low wall and walked towards Mai as Iroh smiled.

Mai was absently throwing her knives as she heard someone say, "Whoa! That was a close one!" She turned to find Zuko crouched on the floor with his hands over his head.

She smiled apologetically as she said, "Sorry..."

"I'm ok... Can I... sit with you for a while?" Zuko asked.

Mai tried not to blush, but her cheeks flushed a little as she said, "Sure!" Zuko smiled and sat down beside her.

"Glad your uncle's home?" Mai asked him lightly.

"Yeah," Zuko said happily. "Why don't you play with them?" he asked her as Azula and Ty Lee cartwheeled around impressively.

"And be called a delicate little flower? No way!" Mai said in disgust.

"You'd think they'd call my sister delicate after seeing that," Zuko said as he pointed towards Azula who was still cartwheeling, "but they don't!"

"That's because they're scared of being burnt by hot cinders!" Mai said with a smirk. Zuko laughed so hard that it was infectious. Mai was laughing with him a little later. He knew Mai was blunt, but... this was just too much for him not to laugh about. It was strange, really... He hadn't laughed in a long time... He'd forgotten what it felt or sounded like... and it was even more ironic that he was laughing at something that wasn't remotely funny... and it was all because of this very special girl he was sitting with.

"I know that wouldn't be funny to those she bugs, but... well... Thank you, Mai... Thank you so much," Zuko said as he gripped her hand and smiled at her gratefully.

Mai's cheeks flushed a little as she said, "You're welcome!" Zuko somehow didn't feel like leaving at all... He liked sitting here with her... He didn't have to explain much to her, because somehow, she knew all he needed was someone to talk to... And she was only glad to help.


	6. Chapter 5: Fear

**_Chapter Five: Fear_**

Ever since her mother's disappearance, Azula's mind had been in turmoil. It was true that all her mother ever did was reprimand her... But in a strange, twisted way she also missed her mother's occasional hugs and the rare times her mother's face would light up in her presence. She remembered that there had been this one time when she'd bruised herself while playing and she'd gone straight to her mother with tears in her eyes.

_"Mom, I'm hurt!" she said as she approached her mother, who was sitting there with her arms outstretched._

_"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Ursa asked her daughter. "What happened?"_

_"I'm hurt," Azula said as she revealed a skinned knee and threw herself into her mother's arms. Ursa gently placed her on her lap and smiled at her as she affectionately stroked her head._

_"Let's get you cleaned up. Come on!" Ursa said as she carried her daughter inside the palace._

Azula didn't know why, but it was those little things she missed. She just didn't want to admit it to anyone, least of all her father, about this. The worst part was that she couldn't even tell Zuko. She didn't think she could stand to see the smug look on his face.

"Where are you going, Azula?" she heard her uncle ask her.

Azula turned to face her as she said, "I'm going to see my father."

"I'm sure your father would understand if you see him a little later," Iroh said kindly as he led her to sit with him for a while.. Azula relented and sat with him.

"How're you holding up, Azula?" Iroh asked her.

"I'm fine, Uncle," Azula said shortly.

"Calm down, Azula... There's no reason to get upset," Iroh began, but Azula cut him short.

"Father doesn't appreciate it when I keep him waiting. If you **_really_** have anything to say, please make it fast," she said angrily.

"What I wanted to say was that it's perfectly OK to miss your mother," Iroh said kindly.

Azula's fists clenched involuntarily and her body stiffened as she felt her resolve crumble. But the minute she realized this was happening, she stood up and said, "I need to see my father. I'll see you later, uncle."

Iroh sighed as he watched her go. He could sense she was in pain... and she was bottling it all up inside. He only hoped that it wouldn't drive her mad...

As Azula made her way to the arena for training, she saw her father's towering figure standing there with his arms crossed and a frown across his handsome features.

"Sorry I'm late, father... Uncle Iroh wanted to speak with me, so he asked me to stay behind for a while," Azula said in a trembling voice. She may be her father's pride, but in his eyes, there was no excuse for ignoring training. Nothing else was more important.

"I see," Ozai said flatly, but his voice was clearly loaded with the anger he felt. "So you decided to ignore your training for a little chat with your uncle?" he asked angrily.

"Father, I just... He insisted," Azula said. Her father was the only one who could affect her this way. She was terrified.

"Of course he did. Now, tell me, Azula... What's more important? Your training or a little chat with your uncle?" Ozai asked contemptuously.

Azula sighed as she said, "My training, father..."

"That's right... Don't forget it," Ozai said. But something snapped inside him as he looked at his daughter's face. "Let's begin," he said in a gentler tone.

Azula smiled and began training, but she couldn't help but think about how it would've been if she didn't have her father's expectations to live up to.


	7. Chapter 6: Being Mai

**_Chapter Six: Being Mai_**

Mai hated her life.

Sure, she got everything she ever wanted... Her parents loved her and gve her everything riches could buy. But what her parents didn't understand was that what she wanted most was something money could never buy. [b][i]Freedom.[/i][/b]

She could never laugh to her heart's content. It was considered inappropriate for a Nobleman's daughter to so freely express her feelings. And Mai had a fiery temper, too... She just controlled it better than most people.

Her day began as usual. She woke up to servants waiting upon her hand and foot. It would've been nice if she hadn't been so completely [b][i]bored.[/i][/b] She smiled to herself as she walked down for breakfast. There was [b][i]one[/i][/b] thing she was looking forward to.

Meeting Zuko.

True, her parents thought she was going there to meet Azula. And she [b][i]was.[/i][/b] But she liked talking to Zuko a little bit more. There was something **_comforting_** about his presence. As she made her way downstairs, she noticed that her parents were already there.

"Good morning, Mai!" Hiroshi said as he greeted his daughter.

"Morning, dad," Mai said in a bored tone.

"Young lady, I expect some enthusiasm at least!" Hiroshi said a little angrily. Mai just groaned as she realized what a stickler for etiquette her father was. She simply tried to finish her breakfast in silence. But with her mother present, even that didn't seem possible.

"Mai, where are your manners? Didn't you hear your father?" Kimiko asked her daughter.

"I'm sorry... I just need to finish soon so I can practice," Mai said as sincerely as she could.

"You and your knives! It's not proper for a young lady to be that fierce!" her mother said.

"Well, I'm not a bender! This is my talent! Am I not supposed to use it?" Mai asked angrily.

"Don't talk back to your mother like that, young lady! Or you'll be in trouble!" Hiroshi said angrily.

"Mai, girls your age don't go around throwing knives! They try to mould themselves so they become respectful and well behaved!" Kimiko said.

"May I excuse myself, please?" Mai asked in an attempt at politeness. She [b][i]hated[/i][/b] being taught lessons in mannerisms and etiquette by her parents.

"Very well," her mother said after a while.

Mai looked relieved as she said, "Thank you." She left as fast as she could. She didn't like sitting there just to get admonished at every turn. Soon, it was time for her to meet Azula. She went over there secretly hoping she'd get to talk to Zuko. Azula and Ty Lee were playing as she sat alone again...

"Come on, Mai... Join us!" Ty Lee chirped as she cartwheeled towards her.

But before she could answer, Azula said, "Why do you even ask, Ty Lee? Can't you tell she's just going to get bored again?"

Mai was infuriated by this, but said nothing as Ty Lee walked away. It was true, but why did Azula have to put it so plainly? She watched as Azula walked away with a smug look on her face. It could've been seconds or minutes after that... she didn't know... But she heard someone walk towards her. She looked up and smiled at Zuko. He was growing taller and more handsome with each passing day... He smiled at her as he sat down beside her.

"Hey, Mai," he said in a cracked voice. She liked how it sounded now... She smiled at this.

"Hey Zuko," she said slowly.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Nothing," Mai said.

"Come on! You can tell me!" Zuko said encouragingly.

Mai sighed as she said, "I'm just tired of everyone telling me what to do! My parents just don't accept me for who I am!"

Zuko gently took her hand in his as he said, "I'm sorry, Mai... I really am! You're a wonderful person! And... for what it's worth, I [b][i]really[/i][/b] like you!"

Mai smiled as she asked, "Really?"

"Of course I do! Who **_wouldn't?_** You're beautiful, funny, and brave... I wish your parents could see that!" Zuko said.

"I wish your dad could see how nice you are," Mai said automatically. Zuko didn't respond to this. She'd been painfully blunt. But she was sincere.

"I know," was all he said as he hugged her for a second and let go. He didn't want to give Azula any chances to tease them. So he looked round to check if Azula or Ty Lee were anywhere nearby. When they were nowhere to be seen, he gave her a quick peck on the cheek as he said, "Thank you, Mai. I hope you feel better soon."

Mai's cheeks flushed a deep red at this. "You're welcome," she said slowly. He smiled as they sat together comfortably holding hands... It was quirky, but it was their way of telling each other that no matter what happened, they'd always have each other.


	8. Chapter 7: Ignored

_**Chapter Seven: Ignored**_

Ozai was in the War Room with his courtiers getting a report. His brow was furrowed and his eyes were narrowed in concentration. The gleam in his golden irises clearly reflected his rising anger.

"And you failed to contain the situation?" Ozai thundered as he looked at the General.

"Kunukuang is still under our control, Sir... We've already rounded up all the earthbenders from that village and imprisoned them in a metal rig. They won't be giving us any more trouble," General Xu said calmly.

"Be that as it may, we're still not in control of all the provinces in the Earth Kingdom! We have to _**crush**_ any sign of rebellion **_immediately!"_** Ozai said.

"We're planning to attack Gaipan next, as you suggested, Sir," General Shu said. "But we need to decide on a strategy. They have a very strong Earth Kingdom Regiment protecting them. It's a big resource of mining, next only to Kunukuang."

"Hmmm... I see your point. We'll call it a day for now. We'll have another War Meeting next week. Have a strategy thought out by then, or you'll regret it," Ozai said as he left.

Iroh sighed and followed his brother. He could sense that Ozai was tense.

"Come with me," Iroh said as he placed his hand on Ozai's shoulder. "You need some rest."

"That's true... What I **_don't_** need, brother, is you following me around," Ozai said.

"Forgive me... I just thought you might appreciate some time away from War Rooms and political minutia," Iroh said plainly as he walked away.

Ozai groaned as he stopped Iroh and said, "Come on... Where do you want to go?"

Iroh brightened up as he said, "Let's go have some tea. You'll feel better!" Ozai shook his head, but followed his brother nevertheless.

As they sat down at the ornate table, Ozai looked at the spot his wife had once occupied. A strange feeling gripped him, but it was gone as soon as he realized he was sitting with his brother.

"Oolong Tea... your favorite!" Iroh said as he handed him a cup. Ozai didn't say anything as he sipped his tea. Iroh didn't say anything at first, but he knew his brother wasn't just sitting there idly.

"It's been two years, hasn't it?" Iroh asked Ozai kindly.

"Almost three," Ozai said automatically, but immediately regretted it. He didn't like it when his weaknesses were laid bare for everyone else to see. He'd be exploited because of them. Hadn't he been hurt over and over again by his father? He looked at Iroh for a second and then went back to sipping his tea.

"If you could just see that she's still with you, you wouldn't be **_this_** sad about it!" Iroh said kindly.

Ozai gave Iroh a bemused look as he said, "She's not coming back, brother..."

"I know that... But she's with you still," Iroh said with a smile.

**_"How?_** I can't talk to spirits, brother! If I'd been able to, we would've won this war **_quite_** a while ago!" Ozai said sarcastically.

"I meant your children, Ozai," Iroh said, taking the snide remark in his stride.

"What?" Ozai asked him, giving him the same, bemused look.

"Zuko and Azula need their father more than ever, now... It's what Ursa would want for all three of you," Iroh said.

"Azula is doing fine, brother," Ozai said bluntly.

"And Zuko? You haven't even noticed that your own son is craving your affection!" Iroh said angrily.

**_"Don't tell me how to raise my own children!_** Some good it did you when your son died!" Ozai spat as he stood up suddenly.

Iroh's eyes narrowed as he said, "Be careful, Ozai... One day, that boy will confront you, and you'll have no one to blame for it but yourself."

_**"Confront**_ me? That boy isn't even brave enough to spar with his sister! He'd _**never**_ have the courage to stand up to me!" Ozai said as he walked away. Iroh just sighed and wished his brother could understand...

* * *

Zuko sent a blast of fire at his target as he thought of the last time he'd actually seen his father smiling at him. He'd trained harder every single day just to get his father's approval, but Ozai refused to acknowledge any progress his son made.

"Whoa! Go easy, there!" he heard someone say as he tried to hoist himself up with his arms to create a ring of fire. His lips curved into a slight smile as he realized who this was. He jumped up and put his robe back on as he walked towards Mai.

They'd been spending a lot of time together in the past few months, and it showed... They were happier around each other... more comfortable with each other.

"Hey! What're you doing here?" Zuko asked her lightly.

"What? Like you **_don't_** want me watching you!" she teased.

Zuko could barely control his laughter as he said, "Like you _**don't**_ want to watch me? Sure!"

It was Mai's turn to laugh as he took her hand and asked, "How come you got away from Azula and Ty Lee?"

"Oh, well... They understand that I don't sit there just to watch them do their little double flips," she said.

Zuko smiled and said, "I'm glad you came. Come on! Let's go for a walk."

As they walked hand in hand, they ran into Azula and Ty Lee who had knowing smirks on their faces.

"Well, look what we have here!" Azula said as Zuko's eyes narrowed. Instead of letting each other's hand go, they stood there, waiting to hear the worst.

"Go ahead, Azula... Come on! Spit it out!" Mai said, encouraged by the fact that Zuko was standing there with her.

Azula looked at Mai for a second, then she looked at her brother, who stood there with a smile on his face. Then she just went back with Ty Lee, silently vowing that she'd get back at him for this.

Just as Azula and Ty Lee were out of sight, Mai smiled at him. For a second, he thought she was going to hug him. But he was shocked when she kissed him. He was surprised at first, but then he felt his muscles relax as he put his arms around her... this special girl who meant so much to him...

"Thanks," she said slowly as she looked at him.

Zuko smiled as he said, "They might as well know."

"I guess," she said and hugged him. "I... need to go home now. I'll see you soon," she finished reluctantly.

"That's alright... I'll see you tomorrow," he said as he kissed her once more. She smiled at him and left. Zuko couldn't stop smiling as he walked back to the Palace. He'd known his bond with Mai was special, but... now he saw it in an entirely different light... His Uncle had been right. He loved her.

* * *

Azula had known well that this would happen sometime... Zuko had always liked Mai better than Ty Lee... But for them to just admit it made her lose all the fun of teasing them. As she mulled around, she walked straight into her father. Usually, she would just back away apologetically, but looking at the smile on his face, she stopped.

"Something bothering you, Azula?" Ozai asked her quietly.

"No, father... Nothing's bothering me," Azula said evenly.

"You don't usually walk right into someone," Ozai said as he bent down to level his face with hers. "Tell me what's going on," he finished. Without warning, he took her hand in his and walked with her slowly.

"Zuko and Mai like each other," she said slyly.

"Ah... Well, if not anything, he's atleast good at charming her, then," Ozai said with a chuckle. Azula laughed with him. But when she looked somber again, Ozai suddenly felt the need to comfort her. "How would you like to attend an actual War Meeting?" he asked her.

Azula's eyes lit up as she asked, "A **_real_** War Meeting?"

"Of course... You've been doing so well, lately... Consider it a reward," Ozai said. It was so unlike him... but he just felt... generous all of a sudden.

"Sure, thanks!" Azula said as she smiled at him.

"It's a week from now. I'll let you know more about it later. Go on, now," Ozai said. Azula sprinted away in the direction of her room.

As she made her way to her room, however, she found her brother lying on his bed with a slight smile on his face. Azula smirked as she walked in and sat at the edge of his bed.

"Go away, Azula," Zuko said a little angrily as she sat down.

"Fine... Just wanted to tell you, though... that Mai might not be coming next week," Azula said slyly.

"Why not?" Zuko asked her as he sat up.

"Because I'm going to be at a War Meeting all day, so she won't be able to see me! That _**is**_ why she comes here, isn't it?" Azula asked slyly.

"War Meeting? There's _**no way**_ dad's gonna let you attend a War Meeting! He'd have asked me,too! I'm the heir to the throne, after all!" Zuko said.

"Fine, don't believe me! But dad asked me himself!" Azula said as she got up and walked away, knowing she'd upset her brother.

Zuko didn't say anything, but he was infuriated all the same. There was _**no way**_ their father would allow Azula to attend a War Meeting and not tell him about it... For the millionth time in his life, Zuko's father had ignored him, and that didn't feel good at all.


	9. Chapter 8: Of Love and Hate

Zuko's anger at being ignored by his father continued to make him feel worse over the next few days. He'd immersed himself in training and talked to everyone around him sparingly. Mai realized that he was upset about something, but didn't want to make it worse by asking him about it.

A roar rent the air as Zuko shot a small blast of fire from his mouth. He was angry, and it showed. His fire was less controlled... It was more destructive and wild today... He **_hated_** feeling this way, but he didn't know what to do about it.

"Slow down, Zuko... or you'll hurt someone... even yourself," Iroh said as he walked in. Zuko sighed as he looked away. He didn't want to get into an argument with anyone at the moment... least of all his uncle.

"Something's bothering you, Zuko... Tell me about it," Iroh said calmly.

"It's nothing," Zuko said shortly.

"Zuko, you've never been able to hide your anger... And the truth is, you shouldn't have to. But you should [b][i]never[/i][/b] use your fire in anger. It's already a dangerous element... Your anger will only make it worse," Iroh said calmly.

Zuko sighed and looked away. Then he sat down with his back to his uncle as he thought about the War Meeting. Iroh walked over to him and sat down with him. He soothingly placed his hand on his nephew's shoulder.

Zuko let out a strained sigh as he said, "Dad's holding a War Meeting in three days."

"I heard about that... So what's the problem?" Iroh asked him.

"He invited Azula to attend... **_without telling me!"_** Zuko said angrily. Iroh sighed at this. He understood Zuko's pain... He felt left out again.

"Zuko, it's just a War Meeting... There's nothing special about it... I've been to some of them... You're not missing anything," Iroh said kindly.

**_"That's not the point!"_** Zuko yelled. "The point is that he **_completely_** ignored me! **_Again!"_** Iroh didn't want to admit it, but it was true. Ozai had always favored Azula. But for him to make it so blatantly plain...

"War Meetings are for us veterans to feel like we're still in the thick of things!" Iroh said with a laugh. "Trust me... he's doing you a favor!" Zuko groaned and got up to leave. Iroh sighed sadly as he watched his nephew walk away. Zuko was **_very_** upset about this for sure.

* * *

Ozai was idly sitting in the garden... It was one of those lazy days that came rarely. He didn't know what to do with this kind of time... It was an alien feeling. He'd always kept himself busy in some way or the other... But today, he was surprised to note that there was nothing left for him to do. He found himself watching the garden with a certain amount of pain... His fists clenched as he remembered how he'd come here to see his father everyday...

A sigh escaped him as he heard someone walk towards him. He turned around to find Zuko standing there with a worried smile on his face. For some reason, he felt like humoring him at the moment.

"Sit down, Zuko... I was just looking at the garden," Ozai said slowly. Zuko sat down warily as he looked at his father. It was strange that he wasn't busy with something at the moment.

"Dad, I... heard about a War Meeting that you're holding in three days," Zuko said warily.

"What about it?" Ozai asked flatly.

"Can I come?" Zuko asked his father. Ozai's eyebrows shot up slightly at this.

"Why do you even _**want**_ to come, Zuko?" he asked his son lightly.

"Well, I **_am_** the Crown Prince!" Zuko shot back angrily.

"Zuko, come on! You're thirteen years old... You don't need to worry about War Meetings just yet," Ozai said with his brow furrowed.

"Azula isn't too young to attend, then?" Zuko asked angrily.

"Prince Zuko, I suggest you calm yourself down," Ozai said flatly.

"No, I won't! You _**always**_ do this to me! I'm your heir! I have the right to attend this just as much as Azula does!" Zuko retorted.

"Zuko!" Ozai said in a warning tone, "If you want to effectively rule this nation someday, you'll need to show a little more restraint than that. No one likes a whiner at the helm," he finished and got up. Then without another word to his son, he left.

"I'm _**going**_ to that War Meeting!" Zuko resolved as he watched his father leave.

* * *

The next two days were painfully slow for Zuko. His father kept himself busy so there was no way he could go speak with him. And although his Uncle had tried to take his mind off the meeting, Zuko found himself thinking about it constantly. It wasn't until the eve of the War Meeting that Zuko felt happy about something...

He was sitting by the pool as he watched the turtle ducks swam around. He couldn't help but think that had his mother been around, he wouldn't have felt so alone...

"What do I have to do to make him love me, mom? Have I done something wrong?" he asked her, hoping she'd answer. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder. He turned around to find Mai. She was watching him with a concerned look on her face.

"What's wrong, Zuko?" she asked him as she knelt beside him.

"Azula told you about the War Meeting, right?" Zuko asked her.

Mai looked away as she said, "Yes, she did... I came to see you now because... I won't be able to tomorrow. But... Zuko, it's just a silly meeting... Don't worry too much about it..."

"Your father loves you, right?" Zuko asked her angrily.

"He has a funny way of showing it," Mai said tartly.

"But... he has no other children to love... My father loves Azula... But he _**hates**_ me!" Zuko spat.

Mai tilted her head so she could see his face as she said, _**"I**_ don't hate you."

Zuko looked at her for a minute... Then he smiled at her and said, "I don't hate you, too." Then he kissed her to let her know just **_how much_** he didn't hate her. There was just something about her that made him feel loved... even though it didn't seem that way to others around them... But then again, when did they care? To them, all that mattered was that they had each other.

"Happy now?" Mai asked slyly as they broke apart later.

"Ecstatic," Zuko said with a smile on his face. "Thank you, Mai... So much... You're the only one who understands me."

"And I'm probably the only one who could," she said as she laughed. Zuko laughed with her. "Anyway, I'll see you later, Zuko... Don't get yourself all wound up about this meeting."

Zuko kissed her again and said, "I won't... I'll see you after the meeting." Mai nodded and left. Zuko sighed as he watched her go... He wouldn't trade what he had with her for anything... She was one of a kind, and he **_loved_** her for it. As he walked back inside, though, he wondered what he'd do about the War Meeting... He wanted to attend, but he didn't want to upset his father, either... He'd just have to figure it out.


	10. Chapter 9: To Do What's Right

War Meetings, although taken seriously by the Fire Lord, were usually uneventful. In a time where War was raging through out the world, there was nothing much to discuss other than small rebellions or revolts. All the Generals and Admirals that attended these meetings were the Fire Lord's most trusted men. But in Ozai's case, they were all minions... tools to facilitate the strategy he required to win this war.

Ozai dressed slowly on the day of the War Meeting. He didn't know why, but he felt like something _**important**_ was going to happen today, although he had no idea what it was. He adjusted his top knot and carefully placed the Royal Diadem where it belonged. He looked at his reflection in the mirror for a second. He sighed as he walked out of his room, silently wishing his father could see this...

On his way to the War Room, he ran into Azula, who looked positively delighted. Ozai gently draped his arm around her shoulders as he asked, "Excited about attending your first War Meeting?"

"Yes, I am!" Azula said happily.

"Now, remember... As my daughter, you have a reputation to uphold. Be on your best behavior and keep your ideas to yourself; or you'll regret it!" Ozai said in a flat tone, but there was no masking the serious warning.

Azula gulped as he said, "Yes, father."

"Good. Now come on in," Ozai said as he walked her to the chamber.

Many of the courtiers bowed to them as they passed. It gave Azula a strange feeling of power. But it always gnawed at her that she was **_second_** in line. She'd always strived to become the best... Didn't she deserve something for that? Hadn't she always been told by her father that she was so much better than Zuko? Yet _**he'd**_ eventually become Fire Lord... not her.

"Something bothering you, Azula?" Ozai asked her.

"No, father," she lied. She'd confronted him about this before, and he'd made it _**very**_ clear that he didn't want to talk about it again.

"We're here," Ozai said quietly. Then he led her inside to an intimidating sight. All the Generals and Admirals were sitting there waiting for him. Although she was the Princess, she felt a twinge of fear as she walked past them to a seat beside her father.

As Ozai settled in his throne, he heard a little bit of a shuffle outside, and hoped it wasn't something that would disrupt this meeting. He wanted to begin this meeting soon, but he realized that Iroh wasn't in yet. He groaned in frustration as he watched Iroh get in with someone else. Zuko.

* * *

_"You don't have to do this, Zuko," Ursa told her son. She beseeched him not to go to the War Meeting._

_"But... I __**have**__ to prove to him that I'm not worthless! I'm the heir to the throne!" Zuko told her defiantly._

_Ursa hugged him as she said, "You don't have anything to prove to anyone but yourself! Please understand..."_

_"You don't know how things have been here for me without you!" Zuko yelled as he squirmed out of her grip._

_Ursa's expression grew from concerned to remorseful. "I'm sorry, my son... Whatever I did, I did to protect you!"_

_**"Protect me?**__ He doesn't care about me! Without Uncle, I'd have been all alone! Without him and Mai, I'd have no one else to care for me! You left me alone when_

_I needed you! Why now are you so concerned, mother?" Zuko spat, but regretted his outburst immediately. Ursa was leaving._

_"I'm sorry, Zuko... I'm so, so sorry I left you alone," she said as she disappeared._

_"Mom, no! Don't leave me again!" Zuko yelled, but he suddenly found himself falling into the endless abyss._

* * *

_**"No!"**_ Zuko yelled as he sat up in bed. He realized he'd been dreaming. He groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to understand why hismother was pleading him not to go to this meeting.

He got up and got dressed as quickly as possible. He was going to be late otherwise. He waited as one of the attendants tied the strings of the breastplate he usually wore on formal occasions.

"Thank you," he said once he was done.

Then he made his way to the War Room as soon as he could. The corridor was dark and lit only by torches. He tried to think of ways to get into the chamber, but his mother's voice kept haunting him. Her pleading voice, asking him not to go through with this rang in his ears as he made his way to the chamber.

His eyes darted to the right as he saw a line of portraits. All his ancestors were there, forever frozen in time... remembered as great heroes. He'd be there, too, someday... He steeled himself as he walked towards the chamber which was being guarded by two masked guards. As he made his way to the entrance, one of the guards stepped in front of him, effectively blocking the entrance.

_**"Let me in!"**_ Zuko ordered, but he didn't budge.

"Prince Zuko, what's wrong?" Iroh asked as he draped his arm around Zuko's shoulder and steered him away from the entrance.

"I want to go into the war chamber, but the guard won't let me pass!" Zuko said in a voice that clearly showed disappointment.

"You're not missing anything, trust me... These meetings are [b][i]dreadfully[/i][/b] boring," Iroh offered, trying to cheer him up.

"If I'm gonna rule this nation someday, don't you think I need to start learning as much as I can?" Zuko asked his uncle.

Iroh sighed at this, realizing that Zuko wouldn't relent. "Very well... But you must promise not to speak... These old folks are a bit sensitive, you know," Iroh warned.

Zuko's face lit up at this. "Thank you, Uncle!" Zuko said as he bowed gratefully. Iroh nodded at him as they walked into the war chamber. Zuko's smile faded as he saw where Azula was seated. He realized he wouldn't be granted that honor.

* * *

Ozai looked on as his son entered the room defiantly. He hadn't expected to see his son at this meeting. He'd [b][i]definitely[/i][/b] have to talk to him about it later. He had other things to worry about at the moment. He sighed as he looked at one of the Generals.

"General, your report," Ozai said.

"Thank you, Sir. We have assessed the situation at Gaipan as you asked, Sir. The Earth Kingdom defenses are concentrated here," the General said, pointing to the map that was built into the chamber's floor. "A dangerous battalion of their strongest Earthbenders and fiercest warriors... So I am recommending the 41st division," he finished.

Ozai's eyebrows shot up at this. "I hope you have something better than that, General," he thought to himself.

One of the other Generals seemed to have some doubts as well. "But the 41st is entirely new recruits! How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion?" he asked.

"I **_don't._** They'll be used as a distraction while we mount an attack from the **_rear._** What better to use as bait that **_fresh meat?"_** the General said.

Zuko had been listening closely. The minute the General had recommended the 41st division, his fists clenched. They were the ones who'd just joined the Army... New recruits who still believed staunchly in the ideals of serving their Nation. He kept reminding himself of Iroh's warning... He'd been told not to speak. But when the General referred to them as fresh meat, something snapped inside him. Abandoning all caution, he jumped up and glared at the General.

"You can't sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?" Zuko yelled.

He didn't notice the shocked look on his uncle's face or the anger in his father's. All he knew was that this man had no sense of honor... He was _**using**_ loyal soldiers as mere pawns!

Ozai was seething as he watched what was going on. Zuko had spoken out of turn... and such disrespect from a thirteen year old? Something had to be done... It was time he taught his son a lesson.

"Prince Zuko, do you realize that it wasn't your turn to speak?" Ozai asked angrily. The flames around him grew dangerously large.

"Father, I... I just don't think it's right for us to sacrifice loyal soldiers so cruelly," Zuko said apprehensively. He'd noticed the flames... They were now so high that he could only see his father's face...

"So you stand by what you said," Ozai said flatly. His fists were now clenched. He looked at Zuko and was surprised that someone as emotional and dependant was actually **_his_** son... the boy who was supposed to take over from him... He wasn't ready yet.

"Father, you can't _**actually**_ be supporting this!" Zuko said in a surprised tone.

"That doesn't answer my question, Prince Zuko," Ozai said angrily. "Do you stand by what you said?" Ozai asked.

"Yes, father, I do," Zuko said boldly.

He didn't flinch as his father stared at him. He knew what he was standing up for... and he hoped his father would understand.

"Do you realize that speaking against these plans is an act of disrespect?" Ozai asked his son.

No one else spoke. Everyone else watched with bated breath as father and son sized each other up. Zuko was trying to assess whether or not his father would understand; Ozai was trying to fund out how far his son would go to stand for what he believed in.

"I apologize, father... But I couldn't let him do that to our people! _**Our**_ soldiers!" Zuko pleaded.

"Silence! Do you realize the ramifications of such disrespectful acts?" Ozai asked.

Zuko understood perfectly. He exhaled calmly and looked at the old General he'd insulted. "I do, father," he said slowly.

Ozai's lips curved into a malicious smile as he said, "Alright, then... An Agni Kai it is! _**Now!"**_

"But, Sir... The meeting;" one of the Generals began, but Ozai silenced him with a look.

"This has to be resolved _**now!**_ If you're up to the challenge, that is," Ozai said as he looked at his son.

"I am," Zuko said resolutely. He was going to show his father what he was made of... that he wasn't as weak as he had been three years ago... He headed for the arena straight away. Ozai quirked an eyebrow at this and got up himself. This was going to be interesting to watch.

* * *

Azula had been watching quietly from the sidelines. Her temperamental brother was making one mistake after another. Starting from his outburst to the point where he staunchly stood up for what he'd said, he was destroying himself... and she had no intention of letting him know that. All her life, she'd tried her best to excel, and she _**had...**_ But it pained her to note that **_Zuko_** would ultimately get the throne... because of **_tradition._** She **_loathed_** that feeling. But what she was feeling now was different. She somehow felt that Zuko would pay for his behavior **_very_** soon.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Mai's father. He was watching with bated breath as well. And why shouldn't he? His daughter had chosen to fall in love with a Prince whose future now looked questionable. A small smile crossed her lips as she thought about this. He'd **_certainly_** tell his daughter about what happened here... It'd be interesting to watch her reaction.

* * *

Zuko knew perfectly well what his father had meant. In the Fire Nation, there was only one way to resolve conflicts like these... An Agni Kai... a Fire Duel. People even got killed in some of these... It was a dangerous tradition, but if that' what his father wanted him to do, then he'd do it. But a familiar voice kept ringing in his head...

_"You don't have anything to prove to anyone but yourself! Please understand..."_

Soon, he was at the arena. He exhaled calmly as he looked at it. Even under normal circumstances, this place had seemed dismal to him. The fact that they had an arena for this right inside the palace had shocked him when he'd seen it. Today he saw it in a different light. This was where his life was going to change forever. Fear crept upon him slowly... What if he lost? What would his father say _**then?**_ Should he have apologized and requested a withdrawal?

"No! I stood up for what I believed in! I **_have_** to do this!" Zuko told himself as he disrobed and waited.

Then he heard the shuffle of feet. People were watching... His uncle and sister among them... Many of those who had attended the meeting were standing there... This seemed odd to him... Why was this such a big deal? This was a normal duel... Something that happened almost every single day! Zuko exhaled and turned around to face his opponent, assuming his battle stance. But the minute he did so, he realized why everyone was watching. His opponent was no ordinary man.

It was his father.

* * *

Ozai had known full well that Zuko didn't understand **_who_** he'd be fighting. This made it even more interesting to him, because he simply couldn't **_wait_** to find out what his son would do if he found out who his opponent **_really_** was. Iroh had figured it out and had tried to go to Zuko to even warn him, but he'd stopped his brother just in time.

* * *

_"Don't do this!" Iroh pleaded. "He is just a boy!"_

_"If he's bold enough to speak out against me in a War Meeting, then he's old enough to face me! Now stop trying to warn him! He needs to learn some respect!" Ozai_

_thundered._

_Iroh looked frantic as he said, "I'm [b]begging[/b] you, Ozai! Don't do this to your son!"_

_"No son of mine is a coward! He needs to be put to the test!" Ozai said and walked to the arena, leaving him behind. Iroh had no choice but to follow._

* * *

Now, as Ozai stood waiting for his son to face him, an image of Ursa leaving flashed before his eyes... It was because of Zuko that she'd left... When Zuko turned around to face him, the look on his face said it all.

He hadn't expected to duel his father.

* * *

**_"No!"_** was the only thought going through Zuko's head. "This can't be happening! I can't fight him! I just can't! He's my **_father!"_**

He felt nauseous... He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. But his father showed no signs of relenting... so he dropped to his knees. Everyone around him looked stunned, including his father.

"Please, father! I only had the Fire Nation's best interests at heart! I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!" Zuko pleaded.

Ozai didn't know what to think! **_This_** was the future ruler of the Fire Nation? A boy who was too weak to finish his battles? _**This**_ was the reason Ursa left? So this weakling's life could be spared?

"You will fight for your honor!" Ozai said, giving him a chance to prove him wrong.

"I meant you no disrespect! I am your loyal son!" Zuko said in a shaky voice. This only served to anger Ozai more. He clenched his fists and waited.

"Rise and _**fight,**_ Prince Zuko!" Ozai ordered, his anger rising.

"I **_won't_** fight you!" Zuko declared in the same, shaky voice.

Ozai completely lost his patience as he walked over to his son's crouched figure. When Zuko looked up at him, he was disgusted to see tears streaming down his face.

"You **_will_** learn respect! And suffering will be your teacher!" Ozai said as he looked at his son's tear stained face.

In Zuko's mind, everything seemed to be happening in slow motion after those words. He watched out of the corner of his left eye as his father's hand neared his face.

On instinct, he'd closed his eyes. But the searing pain he felt on the left side of his face told him that something horrible was happening to him. The pained scream that escaped his throat felt like someone else's to him... He wanted it to stop... to take it all back... He simply wanted to die... The pain was so intense...

"Let this be a dream... Let it just be a bad dream!" he willed to himself. Then the pain stopped... It was over... He exhaled in relief, then everything went black.


End file.
